What If High Expectations Are an Act of Care?
by Dr. Lori Hart
We talk a lot about supporting students. We want them to flourish. We want our organizations to be places where people feel valued, connected and cared for.
Sometimes caring about someone means encouraging them. Sometimes it means listening. And sometimes it means looking someone in the eye and saying: I expect more from you because I believe you are capable of more.
Research on something called “wise feedback” offers an interesting lesson for anyone who leads students or works alongside them.
Nineteen Words
In research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, David Yeager, Geoffrey Cohen and their colleagues examined how students responded to critical feedback. Their work included three double-blind randomized field experiments examining strategies for restoring trust when students received criticism.
In one experiment, students received critical feedback from their teachers on an essay. Some received a standard note with that feedback. Others received a note containing just 19 words:
“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them.”
That's it. No lowering of expectations. No avoiding the difficult conversation. No compliment sandwich designed to soften the criticism.
Instead, the message communicated two things at the same time:
The standard is high. And I believe you are capable of reaching it.
The researchers called this approach “wise feedback.” In the study, 64% of students who received the wise-feedback note chose to revise their essays, compared with 27% who received the standard note. The research found particularly meaningful effects among students who had lower levels of trust in school.
From the Classroom to Leadership
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant has helped bring this concept into conversations about leadership and workplace feedback. In his guidance on giving effective feedback, Grant emphasizes attainable growth rather than making criticism about the person. His version of the message is:
“I’m giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I’m confident you can reach them.”
But perhaps the most important piece is what comes next: helping people understand that your role is to coach them and help them grow. Hard truths can be easier to hear when people know the person delivering them is invested in their success.
Maybe the Hard Conversation Is the Caring One
We all encounter moments when supporting a student would be easier if we avoided the uncomfortable conversation. The responsibility wasn't fulfilled. The decision doesn't reflect the organization's values. The tradition needs to change. But avoiding the conversation isn't necessarily care.
The research examined academic feedback, not student organizations, but it raises a larger question:
What if one of the clearest ways we demonstrate our investment in someone is by expecting more from them, and helping them get there?
Saying “I expect more from you” doesn't have to mean “You've disappointed me.”
It can mean:
I see what you're capable of.
This decision didn't meet the standard.
I believe you can do better.
And I'm willing to help you get there.
Challenge Them. Don't Abandon Them.
That's where I think the idea becomes especially useful for those of us who advise and work with student leaders. High expectations alone aren't enough. Telling someone “I expect better from you” and walking away isn't developmental leadership. Expectations without coaching can become judgment.
Instead of:
“You let the chapter down.”
Try:
“This isn't the standard we've agreed to. I know you're capable of meeting that standard. Let's figure out what needs to change.”
Instead of an advisor stepping in and fixing the problem:
“This is yours to solve. I believe you can solve it, and I'm here to help you think through it.”
The goal isn't to rescue students from difficult situations. It's to challenge them without abandoning them.
High Expectations + High Support = Development
Not lowering the standard. Not expecting perfection. Not rescuing people from every mistake. And not using accountability as an excuse to shame someone.
Instead, communicate two things:
I expect something from you. And I’m invested in helping you get there.
The people who have had the greatest impact on our lives aren't necessarily the people who made everything easy for us. Often, they're the people who saw something in us, challenged us to become better and stayed close enough to help us get there.
Maybe that's what care looks like, too.
Source:
Grant, A. (n.d.). Give effective feedback. Big Think. View the Big Think lesson
Yeager, D. S., Purdie-Vaughns, V., Garcia, J., Apfel, N., Brzustoski, P., Master, A., Hessert, W. T., Williams, M. E., & Cohen, G. L. (2014). Breaking the cycle of mistrust: Wise interventions to provide critical feedback across the racial divide. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143(2), 804–824. [apa.org], [lirsm.psyc...lumbia.edu]
About Dr. Lori Hart
For over thirty years, she has been the 'go-to guru' for taking the messiest, most complex problems on college campuses and turning them into systems that make sense.
She’s a researcher, a champion for student health, and a parent who understands exactly what’s at stake. She believes that we don't need more rules, we need better relationships.