More Courage in Community
by Dr. Lori Hart
If you only watch the headlines, news feeds, social media, or the actual news, it’s been a week filled with headlines about hazing deaths and court trials, sexual assault, drugs, and waiting on toxicology reports.
At the sentencing of the former Northern Arizona University student involved in the hazing death of Colin Martinez, Colin’s father spoke and said this:
“There were choices made that night. There were opportunities to protect Colin. And when Colin became incapable of protecting himself, he was dependent upon other human beings that had the courage to protect him. And that courage was not there.
That’s a word that’s become very important to me after losing my son. COURAGE.
I use this word courage because that’s what’s required when fear, self-protection, group loyalty or convenience tempt us to inaction instead of doing what another human being desperately needs us to do.
What my son needed that night. Courage that night would have meant stopping what was happening. Courage would have meant recognizing that a fraternity ritual was never more important than a human life.
Courage would have meant responding with urgency when Colin could no longer respond for himself.”
Sadly, you can take Colin’s name out and insert Jane Doe. And many other names that I often repeat in my head. Where is courage when we need it? One person. One intervention. One call to 911.
I am starting to see the courageous public statements made about dignity of women or all members in the community in light of all that is going on with the Cornell 7. That’s a small step in courage; however, a statement does not change behavior. It’s not enough. Don’t stop there. What else can you do?
What does it mean to put action to courage within a community?
Tangible Ways to Put Courage Into Action
1. Get Rid of the Signs
If you are on a campus and organizations are hanging signs on their facilities regarding “MILF,” “DILF,” or “Drop your wives here,” be courageous and stop that messaging. Those messages set a tone that sexual violence is accepted. And, if I may, I will speak for all mothers; we don’t want to f’ you.
2. Be Inclusive
Make sure your messaging is inclusive. Violence against men and women matters. Because of your mission and policies, remember that all safety matters.
3. Know Your Resources
We have collected sexual violence, hazing, mental health, and many other resources, and they are here for you to use. Response Resources — The Hart Collective
Specific Resources for Hazing/Sexual Violence
Hazing Resources: Hazing Resources & Support — The Hart Collective
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) — Support available through their hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit their website: https://www.rainn.org
National Domestic Violence Hotline — Support available through their hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit their website: https://www.thehotline.org
Sexual Abuse Crisis Text Line - Text STRENGTH to 741-741 for free 24/7 support in the U.S.
4. Audit Your Traditions
Every organization has rituals, jokes, games, or “the way we’ve always done it.” Some of those practices normalize humiliation, blur consent, encourage silence, or prioritize group loyalty over human safety. The Group messaging platform sets the tone for what you tolerate, review that and be honest about what is tolerated in there.
5. Build a Courage Team
Not a safety team. Not a risk team. A Courage Team, members who are respected, members trained to intervene early, challenge harmful language, check in on vulnerable members, and model the behavior you want others to follow. Peer-to-peer courage is more powerful than any policy.
6. Change the “Silent Bystander” Norm
Most harm happens because people freeze, not because they don’t care. Teach members exactly what to say in the moment: “Hey, let’s pause.” “This doesn’t feel right.” “I’m going to walk them home.” “We need to check on them now.” And “STOP.” Courage becomes easier when the words are already in your pocket.
7. Remove Anonymity From Harm
Not by outing people, by outing behaviors. Create a list of Behaviors We Don’t Tolerate, such as degrading language, isolating someone at a party, pressuring alcohol, ignoring someone who is clearly impaired, sexual assault, hazing, etc. Post it. Review it. Use it. Courage grows when expectations are visible.
8. Train Members on How to Support a Survivor of Hazing or Sexual Violence
Most people want to help but don’t know how. Teach three steps:
Believe them.
Stay with them.
Connect them to campus resources for support and reporting.
9. Courageously Remove Members Who Repeatedly Harm Others
Put your Standards Board to work. Courage sometimes means saying: “You cannot be part of this organization.” Protecting the many is an act of courage.
10. And I’ve saved the best for last, which is your first step. Speak Up.
As a leader, your voice shapes what your organization treats as serious. Intentionally and explicitly name sexual violence - assault, harassment, and the cultures that enable them - as a high-priority issue in your organization. Don't wait for an incident to force the conversation. Research confirms that sexual violence thrives in communities where it goes unnamed and unchallenged. Your willingness to address it directly is not a complete solution, but it is the essential first step, because a community that doesn't see the problem will never move to fix it. This is research. And I as person who understands research, speaking up applies to hazing as well.
Mr. Martinez, Jane Doe, we see you, we hear you.
Thank you for your courage.
About Dr. Lori Hart
For over thirty years, she has been the 'go-to guru' for taking the messiest, most complex problems on college campuses and turning them into systems that make sense.
She’s a researcher, a champion for student health, and a parent who understands exactly what’s at stake. She believes that we don't need more rules, we need better relationships.